Love is a very simple emotion, but people complex it. My mother’s love weakened me and made me the terrible person I am today. I don’t want to blame her, maybe I wasn’t strong enough to receive that amount of love which I drowned in, I am still suffocating. Yes, my mother loves me a lot she doesn’t want to let me explore my independence and is bounding me in her standards of a perfect daughter. I feel caged.
I crave to feel adrenaline surging through me as I scream out my voice at the peak of some mountain with no dread. I want to hold myself in this world without her support, but no, every time I try to spread my wings I am bruised by the cage bars. The bars of her rules, her restrictions, her ideologies of my life. I am done living under her shadow. my soul is howling because of the intolerable ache, no matter what I do it won't go not until she is with me. Incessant thoughts of depression broke me piece by piece. Can love be so dangerous? Mother’s love. The purest form of love is violated here, I have an Authoritarian mom and that’s my problem.
I tried to explain her that her attitude towards me is killing me, but she replied by reading out the list of thing she has done for me by sacrificing her own happiness. Yes, she has I am pretty much aware about it, but does this mean I have to always follow her rules and live the way she wants me to? I am fine doing everything that she wants me to do but nothing makes her happy. She never appreciates and looks for faults in everything I do. How am I supposed to make her happy? No matter what I do I am always wrong, I need to be perfect but how?
I want to die, but I also know that there is more to life and to live, when all the doors are closed, search for the ladder, that takes you to the open door. I believe that when all the doors are closed life is expecting something great from you.
“I beg to differ, Death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities”
-Tyrion Lannister (A character from The Game of Thrones)
The reason to share this is that there are people who go through this negative side of love but all I want to say is don’t lose hope. I haven’t and I never will. If you are bounded by love and want to leave but can't because of the constant reminder of all the sacrifices and things they have done for you than you remind yourself that you’ve done everything to help them with you but it’s okay to leave to be happy. Because happiness can never be wrong. It’s always better to stay apart and be happy than to live together quarreling. They might resist but it’s okay to leave. It’s okay to think about your happiness with no guilt. You are not selfish in this situation but you choose their and your happiness, which is fine. To all the souls open up live life don’t drown in painful love. Set yourself free.
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